Sample Gilman Follow-On Proposal #1: Brazil

The following is a sample of a successful Gilman follow-on proposal submission. The student who wrote this proposal was awarded a Gilman scholarship for his summer internship in Brazil. Following the proposal, I give a brief discussion of what I feel to be the strong points of this document. 

My proposed project to promote the Gilman Scholarship would be through the Opportunity Scholars Program. The Opportunity Scholars Program provides financial assistance, mentors, internships, service learning projects and networking opportunities to students who require financial assistance, are the first to attend college in their immediate family and/or come from a population or group that is under-represented at the university level. Students who are involved in the Opportunity Scholars Program are required to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA during their attendance at the University of Utah. I am a participant in the Opportunity Scholars Program, and as such I have a personal connection with the other members of the group and will be able to arrange my project through this connection.

I will coordinate with the director of the program to set up a presentation that I can give during one of the monthly mandatory meetings. My goals during this meeting will be to convey to my fellow students the importance of gaining internship experience during college. I will help the students of the Opportunity Scholars Program to understand the importance of networking through an internship, and to understand how this will lead to future job placement.

In order to enrich my presentation and to be sure that I am providing sound information to my peers, I will coordinate with the head of the international internships for the Hinckley Institute of Politics. I will invite her to the meeting so that she can explain the opportunities in various countries offered through Hinckley Institute of Politics and so that she can demonstrate what these internships can do for students’ resumes.

I will also coordinate with my adviser in the Center for Learning Abroad, and invite her to visit as well.  I will ask her to explain the unique experiences offered by studying abroad and to elaborate on the ways study abroad can add to the university experience. I will ask her to share with students on how they can fund such an experience, through available scholarships or loans. I want the students in my Program to understand that going abroad is available to everyone, and the different outlook you will have when you return.

I will present to my fellow students via PowerPoint and will provide statistical evidence about students who receive job offers post-graduation, having done an internship during their time at the university versus those who did not participate in an internship. The PowerPoint presentation will convey my experience abroad and will help me to demonstrate the networking opportunities presented to me through my internship. I will make the students aware of the steps I took to make this internship happen, instilling in the fellow participants in my program that going abroad is possible. Being a student from a similar background will allow these students to see that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

Discussion:

Here are a few key aspects which made this proposal a strong contender for the Gilman scholarship:

1. Student has a strong connection with a group on campus, and proposes his project in associate with that group. He clearly states and explains his connection. This makes his project seem both feasible and relevant.
2. This proposal makes clear that the student has thought about how he will carry out his project and with whom he will need to coordinate to make it happen.
3. Proposal is brief and succinct, but is not without passion or interest. Upon reading this proposal, the reader can tell that the student has planned a practical project, but also that the student has a vested interest in the project, and that he cares about its successful completion.

Sample Gilman Essay #1: Brazil

The following is a sample of a successful Gilman essay submission. The student who wrote this essay was awarded a Gilman scholarship for his summer internship in Brazil. Following the essay, I give a brief discussion of what I feel to be the strong points of this essay. 

Essay:

I come from a background of mixed heritage: my mother is from Barbados, an island in the West Indies, and my father is from the United States. With them I have lived a third of my life overseas and have gained a unique perspective not afforded to many. My parents have taught me to be understanding of all walks of life and have taught me the importance of integrating the strengths of various cultures around the world. Five of the eight years that I have lived abroad were spent in Taiwan where I learned what it was like to be in the minority. My parents immersed me in the culture by sending me to Taiwanese kindergarten and elementary school.  Entering elementary school, I faced prejudice and misunderstanding.  But I also made great friendships.  I was able to pick up the language easily and interpret for my family. Participating in school was challenging academically, however, because my parents could not help me with my Chinese homework. My father would often take me to a Chinese tutor so I could practice my Chinese reading skills. This helped, but I still scored low on my tests, and would often compare my low scores to my classmates’ scores.  My parents helped me to understand that Chinese was not my first language.  Yet, I was speaking it fluently.  I was able to speak two languages when most children were speaking one. It helped me to focus on my strengths rather than my weaknesses.   I also spent one year living and attending school in Barbados. Here, I was able to learn in a different setting and got the privilege of learning from my mother’s family. My other two years abroad were spent in Brazil where I worked as a humanitarian.  My time abroad has given me a love of experiencing new places and people, food and music; I have learned to take something from each culture to make myself a better person.

I have wanted to take part in this internship for quite some time now. But like many college students, I have had to provide means to pay for my college education.  My family’s finances would not allow them to pay for my school, let alone provide the funding to pay for this summer internship. The last three years I have paid for my schooling by sacrificing my summers to sell home security systems. Through this summer job, I was able to pay for schooling but knew I was missing out on opportunities to participate in career-building internships. I realized that internships were just as important as schooling itself and that I would have to find another means to pay for my schooling so that I could participate in summer internships. My sister pays for her school through scholarship funding, so I decided to follow suit. I applied for several scholarships, and to my disappointment I was not a recipient for the first few I applied for. However, as someone once told me, “no never means no;” I knew persistence was the key. After filling out many more applications, I was awarded two scholarships along with a Pell grant. This experience taught me diligence and has provided me with the reassurance that failing at first does not mean that you will keep failing. Thanks to my scholarships and grants, I have been able to save money to cover some of the costs of my summer internship, but I still require some funding to cover the remainder of the internship and to make this opportunity a real possibility for me.

During the two years I spent in Brazil I was doing humanitarian work, serving as a missionary.  My two years spent there were not spent as a tourist but as someone that became closely involved with the people. I spent most of my time serving others by inviting them to church and helping to lift their spirits. I helped families throughout Rio de Janiero.  I recall the joy of helping a family build a water tank so they would always have water, even in the dry season.  One of the most physically demanding jobs I experienced was helping a father finish his cement roof.  We carried buckets of cement up a ladder, and poured the cement into various prepared sections. This experience was both physically challenging and rewarding at the same time.  This and many other experiences helped me to discover that when you lose yourself in helping others, you find yourself as well.

I realized during my time in Rio de Janeiro that Brazil had a lot of potential for economic growth. This realization, along with my sound understanding of Portuguese, led to my decision to pursue this summer international internship working for Azul Airlines. The internship is facilitated through the Hinckley Institute of Politics. The Hinckley Institute of Politics allows students to experience different cultures and global policies while getting hands-on work experience. It allows us to immerse ourselves in a real international work environment. This internship is a major step towards a career in international business, the field in which I hope to work  after I graduate. An internship will allow me to pursue my future career goals by making my resume much more competitive. It will allow future employers to see that I have international work experience, which will be especially valuable in my quest to become a consultant for Barbados, my mother’s home country. Improving relations between Brazil and Barbados would be an ideal career path for me, as it would integrate my cultural heritage with my experiences in  and love for Brazil. Working for Azul Airlines will allow me to have hands-on experience in one of the fastest growing economies in the world. Over the past few years, Brazil has become a global economic powerhouse. Today it is currently ranked the sixth largest economy overall, having just surpassed the United Kingdom. The Brazilian economy is seeing a vast expansion of the middle-class. The country will host  the World Cup in 2014 and the Summer Olympic games in 2016. Much of the world’s spotlight seems to shine on Brazil and I plan to be part of that spotlight. My great love for the culture and people and the positive reviews of several students who had previously participated in this program, made me realize that this internship was what I needed to do and would be key for job placement in the future.

Discussion:

Here are a few key aspects which made this essay a strong contender for the Gilman scholarship:

1. The essay opens with an interesting but succinct discussion of the student’s diverse background. This is a great example of telling a personal story without rambling or including extraneous details. After reading the opening paragraph of this essay, we know that this student is multiracial, multilingual, and has had a variety of life experiences. However, the student has not been unduly wordy or lengthy in his descriptions; he tells the reader just enough.
2. The student is clear about why he chose this particular study abroad, and how it fits in to his larger career goals. This essay leaves no doubt that this internship will be a great investment for the Gilman scholarship. The student avoids vague phrases like “life changing,” “international experience,” and “cultural education,” and rather uses specifics about Brazil’s booming economy and growing world presence.
3. This essay is well edited (no typos or grammatical errors) and is well structured. The essay has a clear progression which is easy for the reader to follow and understand.

 

Self-Disclosure

dis·clo·sure [dih-skloh-zher]  

noun: the act or an instance of disclosing; exposure; revelation.

For the type of scholarship essays which I have been discussing on this blog, especially the Gilman essay, self-disclosure is the most important, and the most difficult, concept to keep in mind. As its definition implies, disclosure involves both exposure and revelation. Disclosing personal, often-times private information about yourself can be very tough, especially when you are being asked to share this information with perfect strangers, and to put it in writing.

First, it is important for me to note that while the concept is one that I have been discussing with students for some time, my using of the phrase “self-disclosure” is actually inspired by training workshops and webinars provided by IIE that I have attended in preparation for my Gilman advising role. The folks at IIE are very emphatic about the importance of self-disclosure in the Gilman essay. I want to reiterate this emphasis and also expand it to include all other scholarship essays.

What do I mean when I say “self-disclosure?”

Many scholarship programs are established with specific goals in mind. For example, our Learning Abroad Merit Scholarship here at the University of Utah aims to support students with strong academic records and evidence of thoughtful preparation for their learning abroad experience. Or, for another example, the Gilman scholarship aims to diversify the types of students who are studying abroad and the places to which they go.

But how does a scholarship program reach such goals, which are often abstract and wide-ranging? How does a scholarship program determine that a student is diverse, or that a student has thoughtfully prepared for his/her program? Some qualities, like racial background or previous coursework, may be visible to scholarship programs on student profiles, systemically collected data, or transcripts. However, many qualities are not. This is where it becomes important for the student applicant to tell the scholarship program about his/herself. Self-disclosure, then, refers to the process of determining which of your qualities, characteristics, and experiences a scholarship program may be interested in, and then sharing those qualities and experiences with the selection committee in the form of a personal essay.

Why is self-disclosure so difficult?

There are a couple factors that make writing a good self-disclosing essay pretty tricky:

1)      Identifying what it is that you should be disclosing:

Problem: What does the scholarship selection committee want to know about me?

Solution: First, I recommend that you take a close look at the mission statement or description of the scholarship. Note the goals of the scholarship program, the priority selection factors and the underlying motivation behind the program. This will help you determine which types of students that particular scholarship is looking to support. See my post “What and for Whom?” for further help with this process. Then, make a list of different qualities and experiences that you have which make you that student. Brainstorm and be creative with this list—not everything on your list has to end up in your essay…this is just to get you thinking, warmed up. We will discuss tips for writing the essay in a moment.

Common pitfalls: In relation to this issue of self-disclosure, students tend to gravitate to one extreme or the other. Typically, students either under-share or over-share; you want to avoid both! Remember, the scholarship selection committee will never know all those wonderful and unique things about you UNLESS YOU TELL THEM! And, also remember: no scholarship selection committees are looking to read long sob stories, nor do they want to learn every nitty-gritty detail about your life. Pick and choose what you share carefully. See my post “Do This” for more helpful hints.

2)      Disclosing in a tasteful, effective manner:

Problem: It’s harder than it sounds to share personal information about yourself in a way that is productive and appealing to your audience. Often, students feel shy, embarrassed or petty for sharing touchy or private information. Often, my students tell me that they feel “weird” or “awkward” writing about their struggles, disadvantages, successes or unique attributes.  I also have had many students tell me that they don’t have anything unique or special to share (so not true!).

Solution: Use that brainstorming list that you made to your advantage—the best place to start your essay is with a strong list of qualities and experiences that demonstrate your appropriateness for the scholarship. Writing about obstacles that you have encountered and overcome, or achievements that you have made may feel uncomfortable, but this is what most scholarship committees actually want to read about—they want a chance to get to know you and to read about why you are a good fit for them. As you write, pay close attention to the length requirements/restrictions for the essay. These will give you a good indication of how long, how in-depth, how detailed your essay should be. Keep your language professional, avoid overly emotional language, and stay focused on the larger picture that you want to paint with your essay.

Common Pitfalls: While your readers want to get to know you and all of your unique experiences, they are not looking to read the next great autobiography. Keep things short and simple. Also, remember that overly emotional, sappy or aggressive language can be a real turn-off. To avoid using this stuff, keep your audience in mind; imagine that you are writing this essay for a potential employer, or for one of your professors. Just because your essay contains personal details, does not mean that you should use intimate, emotional or overly casual language. On the flip side, many students are too reserved or hesitant when writing these essays, once again keep in mind that YOU have to be the one to share details with your readers if you want them to know something about you.

Take away lessons:

As you write, keep the goals of the scholarship program in mind.

If you want your readers to know something about you, tell them!

Keep your language succinct, professional and avoid overly emotional language.

Don’t over share.

Don’t under share.

Stay calm, and have someone you trust read your essay for you before you submit it.