Sample Gilman Essay #3: England

The following is a sample of a successful Gilman essay submission. The student who wrote this essay was awarded a Gilman scholarship for her summer learning abroad program to London, England. Following the essay, I give a brief discussion of what I feel to be the strong points of this essay. 

*Note: Portions of this essay have been removed out of consideration for the privacy of the author

Essay:

I am applying for the Gilman Scholarship in order to participate in the University of Utah London Street Scenes study abroad program. I am a University of Utah English major, and my focus is British Studies, particularly Romantic, Victorian, and Renaissance fiction. One of my goals for the future is to write historical fiction set in England, so this trip would certainly be an inspiration for me. I am a senior and will be graduating this summer semester. This study abroad program would fulfill all but one of my remaining upper division English credits as well as the International Requirement for my Bachelor of Arts degree. It would be the perfect finish for my English degree; it is a chance to experience in person the settings of the literature that I have been studying. But even more than that, the London Street Scenes program would be the most amazing experience of my life so far. I have always dreamed of going to England, but have never had the opportunity to travel before.

I am so hopeful that I can travel to England; I have always been enamored with British culture. In addition to my love for its literature, I find its history fascinating. I love so many things of British society, the art and architecture, tradition, linguistics, music, royalty, fashion, food, the stunning landscapes, and multicultural people. The past has always been interesting to me, and Britain has centuries more history than the United States. I think the people of Britain have a greater appreciation of their history and nature. For example, Londoners spend daily time in their city’s incredible parks or work in modern corporations housed in buildings designed by Christopher Wren. They have preserved these treasures, while in contrast, American historic buildings and natural places are often built over. I appreciate that the British place value on that beauty and that they seem to live with energy, optimism, and a celebration of their past and present. Any trip to London would be wonderful, but this program’s theme of Graphic London Street Scenes is perfect for me since it includes an exploration of the gothic city settings of Victorian novels. We will study Victorian and post-colonialist authors. I am also excited that the class will see a Shakespearean play at the Globe Theatre, visit Oxford University, and that we’ll live on the gorgeous campus of Regent’s College. In this program, the interactive class is given Mondays through Wednesdays, and the remainder of the week belongs to the students to pursue their own interests. If I’m able, I want to explore England a little, with train trips to see the incredible country sides of the Cumbrian Lake District and Yorkshire, and to visit Bath and Hampshire to explore the life of my favorite author, Jane Austen. However, experiencing the city of London would be more than enough for me. I am looking forward to visiting the London art galleries’ collections of my favorite Victorian artists, Turner and Constable, and the cathedrals and parks. I hope to see my two favorite musicals, “Les Misérables” and “Phantom of the Opera”, and to see a performance of the Royal Ballet. I am planning an individual research project about the role of London in the life and works of Jane Austen. While pursuing this research about my favorite author, I think it will just be fun to wander along the streets and absorb the city that has influenced so many creative minds. In this program, I will be one of a group of other U of U students and taught by U of U faculty. We will have access to the student facilities such as the cafeteria, library, and computers. I think that the familiarity, convenience, and security of that college environment will be helpful to me as a first time traveler.

With these circumstances, being a learning abroad student would be my first and only opportunity to travel, and scholarships are my only source of funding. Receiving the Gilman scholarship would make it possible for me to pay for the program cost. My trip would be a real example of the opportunities education can give. As soon as I graduate I am excited to begin working. I will need to find a job to support myself while I continue to work on my creative interests, including writing. This study abroad experience will be a valuable addition to my resume and something to discuss with potential employers. As excited as I am for my learning abroad program, I know that travel comes with challenges.  Everything about this travel experience will be new; I’ve never travelled away from home or even flown on a plane before.

Considering the obstacles I’ve had to face in my life, this trip would be a personal triumph, and I know I would return a stronger person. Doing something for the first time naturally makes me nervous, but my excitement is even more powerful than my nerves. I believe that I can handle the challenges, so completing this trip would give me the confidence and personal accomplishment of overcoming such emotional hardships. When I return it would mean so much to me to know that I made it to the place I’ve wanted to visit for so long.

 

Discussion:

Here are a few key aspects which made this essay a strong contender for the Gilman scholarship:

1. This student spends a lot of time discussing the location of her program; she is very specific about what aspects have drawn her to the culture of London. Essay readers want to see that you have thoughtfully chosen a learning abroad program that is going to benefit you personally, academically, professionally; this essay is an excellent example of such a thoughtful selection.
2. The opening paragraph of this essay is great; it is straight-forward, simple. Right from the beginning lines of this essay, the reader knows exactly what the author is about, why she wants to go abroad, and what her program will be like.
3.  This student avoids vague phrases like “life changing,” “international experience,” and “cultural education,” and rather uses specifics about British culture, literature, and her research project as it relates to these things.

Style

What is writing style and how can I improve mine?

What is style?

Writing style is the way you construct sentences, or put groups of sentences together; things like word choice, tone or voice, sentence structure, sentence order, paragraph structure all combine to create style.  Speaking objectively, there is no such thing as a bad style, or a good one for that matter. Different readers, instructors and fields of study have varying ideas about what makes for good writing style. For example, some readers may be very sensitive to word choice, while others may focus solely on the content of your writing. Or, if you were writing a science paper or journal article, it would be more acceptable and expected for you to write in a passive voice than if you were writing a paper for a course in the humanities. So, as is always the case when you are writing, it is crucial to determine your target audience and your goals before you begin your project.

Things to keep in mind:

1. Style is subjective: a reader might identify “writing problems” in a sentence that is technically grammatically correct.
2. Since style is subjective, it can be difficult to understand what you are doing wrong or how to correct it. This is why asking friends, family or advisors to read your writing before you submit it is extraordinarily helpful; these people can discuss your writing with you, pointing out what works, and what doesn’t.
3. Another bit of helpful advice: read your writing ALOUD to yourself. This will help you recognize sections where the flow is awkward, where the word choice is off, where you are being too wordy and where you may need to add some explanation.

Style for scholarship essays

Even though style is subjective, and you are never going to please all readers all of the time, there are some things to keep in mind when you consider the style of your scholarship essay. Whether or not you are given a prompt for your scholarship essay, it is safe to say that your reader is approaching the essay as a way to get to know you, and to determine whether or not you are a good fit for the program. This means that your most important goal when writing your essay is to introduce yourself in an appealing and straightforward manner.

A few recommendations to achieve this goal:

1. Watch your tone: avoid distracting your reader from what you are trying to say by how you are saying it. Scholarship essays are not academic papers. So, avoid the temptation to try sounding smart by using overly complicated sentences full of multi-syllabic words. You do not want to risk being opaque or unclear because you are trying to sound like a brilliant college student. However, your scholarship essay is also not a letter to your best friend. You also want to avoid being too casual or personal with your reader. Avoid slang.

Be clear, concise and professional—imagine you were interviewing for a job. You want your  personality to show, but you also want to be articulate and to impress your reader

2. Word choice: sometimes it can be very difficult to find the right word. Ever writer has this problem; this is why editing and revisions are so vital. Often, when writers struggle to find the correct word, or are having difficulties being precise in their arguments, they resort to clichés, over-use of qualifiers, redundant sentences, stock phrases, and the overuse of prepositional phrases. I found a great handout from the University of North Carolina’s writing center that discusses strategies for finding and replacing such problems in your writing—check it out here: http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/style/.

 

3. Carefully organize your essay so that it flows from one sentence to the next, and from one paragraph into another. The effective use of transitions can really help your essay feel like one cohesive piece, and will make your reader’s experience much more pleasant.

I have written a few other posts that will help you consider more specific elements of your style and useful writing strategies for your scholarship essay. See my post on self-disclosure: https://scholarshipsojourn.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/self-disclosure/ my list of general writing tips: https://scholarshipsojourn.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/do-this/.

Sample Gilman Essay #2: Spain

The following is a sample of a successful Gilman essay submission. The student who wrote this essay was awarded a Gilman scholarship for her summer study abroad program in Spain. Following the essay, I give a brief discussion of what I feel to be the strong points of this essay. 

Essay:

I have lived with diversity throughout my life. I grew up in South Florida, which is a melting pot of cultures, creeds and colors. I was a Jew hanging out with Cubans, Haitians, Catholics, and Baptists. My parents helped me to understand that there are many cultures in our melting pot, and that one is not better than another.

I was an adolescent during the 1980’s Mariel boatlifts that brought so many Cubans to the United States, and during the influx of Haitian immigrants to South Florida. These events caused quite a stir in South Florida and required a hefty dose of empathy and understanding. Why would so many people flee their homelands? We had to learn that not everyone is as fortunate as we are here. We had to learn to accept these new Americans. What a wonderful lesson to learn so young. If only more people could experience these life lessons, maybe our world will be a better place.

I have been fortunate enough to live in many places throughout the United States during my career as a photojournalist: South Florida, Detroit, Baton Rouge, and, finally, the Salt Lake Valley. Each place has its own dominant culture and robust subcultures. The hardest place to adapt to has been Salt Lake City. Living with a majority of Mormons and an almost nonexistent population of Jews, I have had to re-examine my understanding of diversity. I have met many people who have grown up here and have never been out of Utah. The lack of African Americans is a cultural shock. And, it can’t be discounted that in Utah and throughout the United States, there is a burgeoning population of Latinos.

But here, and now, my understanding of diversity has become more important. Maybe it is life experience, maybe it is age, maybe it’s that I now teach diversity issues at a community college, but I believe I am the perfect candidate to study abroad. If it takes a village to raise our children, I hope that I can be a member of the village who offers our youngsters a broader view of the world and a chance learn acceptance. Studying abroad will allow me to gain a new perspective on another place, another culture, and then to bring these perspectives back to the students I teach.

When I first heard that there is a diversity general education requirement for graduation at colleges and universities in Utah, I was taken aback. I didn’t understand why Utah students would need a class in diversity. But after teaching for a couple of years, I see the need is evident. Many students come to class not knowing what the Quran is. Many believed that racial profiling was a thing of the past – until it was pointed out that one their classmates was profiled by the police even as we were studying that unit. As part of the curriculum, we discuss white privilege, a practice from which most Utah students benefit.

I love teaching and inspiring students to develop their vision, but more importantly, I love helping the students develop an understanding of the cultures and the world around them.

I am a contemporary example of the diversity we have here in Utah. I am a middle-aged woman, a student, an adjunct instructor, a former department supervisor in a field traditionally dominated by men, a Jew, a native of the Northeast, and a victim of the Great Recession.

I am a nontraditional student studying communications at the University of Utah. Returning to school in middle age is not easy, but the rewards are tremendous. I value education far more than I would have valued it at a younger age. I consider myself old-school in the way I think and study. My younger peers have been wonderful in accepting me and helping me discover new ways of thinking. I feel blessed daily as I sit among peers who are half my age, and listen to their viewpoints about the world today. I can reflect on my view from years past as I see a younger generation looking toward the future.

After a 27-year career as photojournalist, editor, manager, and team leader, I lost my job three years ago. Life took a dramatic change. I tried to search for a job in the midst of the recession, but the effort proved fruitless. Most companies valued my experience, but required a university degree. So, after 24 years of on-and-off night school, I returned to school full-time. In August 2012, I completed my associate’s degree, graduating with honors from Salt Lake Community College.

I transferred to the University of Utah in the fall of 2012.  Currently, I am carrying 15 credits, including two honors classes. I am also auditing a second level Spanish class to keep up my speaking skills in preparation for the study abroad experience.

In addition, I teach six to nine credits per semester as an adjunct instructor in photography at Salt Lake Community College. One of my favorite classes to lead is “Photographing Diversity,” in which we discuss diversity issues, then illustrate the concepts using photography. Students put their emotions and understanding on film, giving them a creative voice for understanding and sometimes change. As an instructor, I try to give my students the tools for success – in the skills of photography, in understanding how photographs communicate, and in the skills of analysis and discernment necessary to be a good employee and citizen. I ask the students to become the person I am trying to be: educated, engaged, creative and compassionate.

With a university degree, I may be able to teach more advanced classes and touch more students. To be sure, I am testing and stretching my mind, but I relish that I also get to pass knowledge and life lessons to another generation.

We all face challenges in life, and I have endured my share. For most of my life, I assumed I was not smart enough to attend a university. My mom, brother and sister have technical degrees, but no college experience. My dad has only a high school education. There was a time when I followed in the family tradition: high school, technical school, then career. Now, I expect to be the first in my family to achieve a bachelor’s degree and, hopefully, a master’s degree eventually. My goal is to graduate in 2014 with a Bachelor’s in Communication, and an Honors College degree, as well.

Adjusting to the rigors of university life has been tough. In business, I knew that practical solutions win the day. At the university, the standards are different, and academic rigor requires a methodical process that is new to me. Younger students seem to be free spirits, and I yearn to be carefree as well. But I know the stakes. I realize that I have a short window to soak in as much knowledge as possible in preparation for a new career.

And so, I discovered the Study Abroad program at the University of Utah. I have been accepted for the summer program in Oviedo, Spain. Admittedly, studying in Spain is a small indulgence, but I haven’t thought of the trip as a holiday. I see that there is so much to learn while studying abroad. I know that the trip to Spain will allow me to meet people, develop relationships, experience another culture and expand my language skills. I will return to Utah with a broader view of the world. And, I will be able to share that broader view in the classes I teach. I expect to learn more about globalization, religion, gender relations, and history by experiencing those things from a viewpoint outside of the United States.

I am studying strategic communication with an eye on a career that emphasizes conflict resolution in a human resources setting. But I want to continue teaching at the community college level. I love the sense of service to the community that I get by teaching.

A scholarship will help ease the burden of expenses that my family has incurred since I lost my job, and since my husband lost his job two years later. We have set paying for college as a priority, just behind the mortgage. Yes, I am concerned about our financial well-being, but mostly I am focused on my dream of a university degree and the possibilities of what a degree will allow me to offer the community.

I want to help students here in Utah understand and internalize the lessons of empathy and understanding that I was exposed to at such a young age. I know that studying abroad will allow me to learn more about another culture, lessons that I can bring back to students here in Utah.

Scholarship committee, I ask your help that I might be able to afford the study abroad experience, that I may be able to improve my language skills, and that I may be able to make a difference in our community.

Discussion:

Here are a few key aspects which made this essay a strong contender for the Gilman scholarship:

1. This student’s writing style is simple and straight-forward. She does not beat around the bush or use flowery language; her readers know what she is trying to say, and why she is saying it.
2. This student unabashedly shares her passion for teaching and her commitment to diversity education. She is clear and specific about how her goals and priorities fit into the priorities of the Gilman scholarship program.
3. This essay is focused around a theme, diversity, and it does not include extraneous or irrelevant information. This is a great example of the tight and stream-lined type of writing that is possible when you keep yourself focused on the overall goal the essay.

Sample Gilman Follow-On Proposal #1: Brazil

The following is a sample of a successful Gilman follow-on proposal submission. The student who wrote this proposal was awarded a Gilman scholarship for his summer internship in Brazil. Following the proposal, I give a brief discussion of what I feel to be the strong points of this document. 

My proposed project to promote the Gilman Scholarship would be through the Opportunity Scholars Program. The Opportunity Scholars Program provides financial assistance, mentors, internships, service learning projects and networking opportunities to students who require financial assistance, are the first to attend college in their immediate family and/or come from a population or group that is under-represented at the university level. Students who are involved in the Opportunity Scholars Program are required to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA during their attendance at the University of Utah. I am a participant in the Opportunity Scholars Program, and as such I have a personal connection with the other members of the group and will be able to arrange my project through this connection.

I will coordinate with the director of the program to set up a presentation that I can give during one of the monthly mandatory meetings. My goals during this meeting will be to convey to my fellow students the importance of gaining internship experience during college. I will help the students of the Opportunity Scholars Program to understand the importance of networking through an internship, and to understand how this will lead to future job placement.

In order to enrich my presentation and to be sure that I am providing sound information to my peers, I will coordinate with the head of the international internships for the Hinckley Institute of Politics. I will invite her to the meeting so that she can explain the opportunities in various countries offered through Hinckley Institute of Politics and so that she can demonstrate what these internships can do for students’ resumes.

I will also coordinate with my adviser in the Center for Learning Abroad, and invite her to visit as well.  I will ask her to explain the unique experiences offered by studying abroad and to elaborate on the ways study abroad can add to the university experience. I will ask her to share with students on how they can fund such an experience, through available scholarships or loans. I want the students in my Program to understand that going abroad is available to everyone, and the different outlook you will have when you return.

I will present to my fellow students via PowerPoint and will provide statistical evidence about students who receive job offers post-graduation, having done an internship during their time at the university versus those who did not participate in an internship. The PowerPoint presentation will convey my experience abroad and will help me to demonstrate the networking opportunities presented to me through my internship. I will make the students aware of the steps I took to make this internship happen, instilling in the fellow participants in my program that going abroad is possible. Being a student from a similar background will allow these students to see that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

Discussion:

Here are a few key aspects which made this proposal a strong contender for the Gilman scholarship:

1. Student has a strong connection with a group on campus, and proposes his project in associate with that group. He clearly states and explains his connection. This makes his project seem both feasible and relevant.
2. This proposal makes clear that the student has thought about how he will carry out his project and with whom he will need to coordinate to make it happen.
3. Proposal is brief and succinct, but is not without passion or interest. Upon reading this proposal, the reader can tell that the student has planned a practical project, but also that the student has a vested interest in the project, and that he cares about its successful completion.

Sample Gilman Essay #1: Brazil

The following is a sample of a successful Gilman essay submission. The student who wrote this essay was awarded a Gilman scholarship for his summer internship in Brazil. Following the essay, I give a brief discussion of what I feel to be the strong points of this essay. 

Essay:

I come from a background of mixed heritage: my mother is from Barbados, an island in the West Indies, and my father is from the United States. With them I have lived a third of my life overseas and have gained a unique perspective not afforded to many. My parents have taught me to be understanding of all walks of life and have taught me the importance of integrating the strengths of various cultures around the world. Five of the eight years that I have lived abroad were spent in Taiwan where I learned what it was like to be in the minority. My parents immersed me in the culture by sending me to Taiwanese kindergarten and elementary school.  Entering elementary school, I faced prejudice and misunderstanding.  But I also made great friendships.  I was able to pick up the language easily and interpret for my family. Participating in school was challenging academically, however, because my parents could not help me with my Chinese homework. My father would often take me to a Chinese tutor so I could practice my Chinese reading skills. This helped, but I still scored low on my tests, and would often compare my low scores to my classmates’ scores.  My parents helped me to understand that Chinese was not my first language.  Yet, I was speaking it fluently.  I was able to speak two languages when most children were speaking one. It helped me to focus on my strengths rather than my weaknesses.   I also spent one year living and attending school in Barbados. Here, I was able to learn in a different setting and got the privilege of learning from my mother’s family. My other two years abroad were spent in Brazil where I worked as a humanitarian.  My time abroad has given me a love of experiencing new places and people, food and music; I have learned to take something from each culture to make myself a better person.

I have wanted to take part in this internship for quite some time now. But like many college students, I have had to provide means to pay for my college education.  My family’s finances would not allow them to pay for my school, let alone provide the funding to pay for this summer internship. The last three years I have paid for my schooling by sacrificing my summers to sell home security systems. Through this summer job, I was able to pay for schooling but knew I was missing out on opportunities to participate in career-building internships. I realized that internships were just as important as schooling itself and that I would have to find another means to pay for my schooling so that I could participate in summer internships. My sister pays for her school through scholarship funding, so I decided to follow suit. I applied for several scholarships, and to my disappointment I was not a recipient for the first few I applied for. However, as someone once told me, “no never means no;” I knew persistence was the key. After filling out many more applications, I was awarded two scholarships along with a Pell grant. This experience taught me diligence and has provided me with the reassurance that failing at first does not mean that you will keep failing. Thanks to my scholarships and grants, I have been able to save money to cover some of the costs of my summer internship, but I still require some funding to cover the remainder of the internship and to make this opportunity a real possibility for me.

During the two years I spent in Brazil I was doing humanitarian work, serving as a missionary.  My two years spent there were not spent as a tourist but as someone that became closely involved with the people. I spent most of my time serving others by inviting them to church and helping to lift their spirits. I helped families throughout Rio de Janiero.  I recall the joy of helping a family build a water tank so they would always have water, even in the dry season.  One of the most physically demanding jobs I experienced was helping a father finish his cement roof.  We carried buckets of cement up a ladder, and poured the cement into various prepared sections. This experience was both physically challenging and rewarding at the same time.  This and many other experiences helped me to discover that when you lose yourself in helping others, you find yourself as well.

I realized during my time in Rio de Janeiro that Brazil had a lot of potential for economic growth. This realization, along with my sound understanding of Portuguese, led to my decision to pursue this summer international internship working for Azul Airlines. The internship is facilitated through the Hinckley Institute of Politics. The Hinckley Institute of Politics allows students to experience different cultures and global policies while getting hands-on work experience. It allows us to immerse ourselves in a real international work environment. This internship is a major step towards a career in international business, the field in which I hope to work  after I graduate. An internship will allow me to pursue my future career goals by making my resume much more competitive. It will allow future employers to see that I have international work experience, which will be especially valuable in my quest to become a consultant for Barbados, my mother’s home country. Improving relations between Brazil and Barbados would be an ideal career path for me, as it would integrate my cultural heritage with my experiences in  and love for Brazil. Working for Azul Airlines will allow me to have hands-on experience in one of the fastest growing economies in the world. Over the past few years, Brazil has become a global economic powerhouse. Today it is currently ranked the sixth largest economy overall, having just surpassed the United Kingdom. The Brazilian economy is seeing a vast expansion of the middle-class. The country will host  the World Cup in 2014 and the Summer Olympic games in 2016. Much of the world’s spotlight seems to shine on Brazil and I plan to be part of that spotlight. My great love for the culture and people and the positive reviews of several students who had previously participated in this program, made me realize that this internship was what I needed to do and would be key for job placement in the future.

Discussion:

Here are a few key aspects which made this essay a strong contender for the Gilman scholarship:

1. The essay opens with an interesting but succinct discussion of the student’s diverse background. This is a great example of telling a personal story without rambling or including extraneous details. After reading the opening paragraph of this essay, we know that this student is multiracial, multilingual, and has had a variety of life experiences. However, the student has not been unduly wordy or lengthy in his descriptions; he tells the reader just enough.
2. The student is clear about why he chose this particular study abroad, and how it fits in to his larger career goals. This essay leaves no doubt that this internship will be a great investment for the Gilman scholarship. The student avoids vague phrases like “life changing,” “international experience,” and “cultural education,” and rather uses specifics about Brazil’s booming economy and growing world presence.
3. This essay is well edited (no typos or grammatical errors) and is well structured. The essay has a clear progression which is easy for the reader to follow and understand.

 

Self-Disclosure

dis·clo·sure [dih-skloh-zher]  

noun: the act or an instance of disclosing; exposure; revelation.

For the type of scholarship essays which I have been discussing on this blog, especially the Gilman essay, self-disclosure is the most important, and the most difficult, concept to keep in mind. As its definition implies, disclosure involves both exposure and revelation. Disclosing personal, often-times private information about yourself can be very tough, especially when you are being asked to share this information with perfect strangers, and to put it in writing.

First, it is important for me to note that while the concept is one that I have been discussing with students for some time, my using of the phrase “self-disclosure” is actually inspired by training workshops and webinars provided by IIE that I have attended in preparation for my Gilman advising role. The folks at IIE are very emphatic about the importance of self-disclosure in the Gilman essay. I want to reiterate this emphasis and also expand it to include all other scholarship essays.

What do I mean when I say “self-disclosure?”

Many scholarship programs are established with specific goals in mind. For example, our Learning Abroad Merit Scholarship here at the University of Utah aims to support students with strong academic records and evidence of thoughtful preparation for their learning abroad experience. Or, for another example, the Gilman scholarship aims to diversify the types of students who are studying abroad and the places to which they go.

But how does a scholarship program reach such goals, which are often abstract and wide-ranging? How does a scholarship program determine that a student is diverse, or that a student has thoughtfully prepared for his/her program? Some qualities, like racial background or previous coursework, may be visible to scholarship programs on student profiles, systemically collected data, or transcripts. However, many qualities are not. This is where it becomes important for the student applicant to tell the scholarship program about his/herself. Self-disclosure, then, refers to the process of determining which of your qualities, characteristics, and experiences a scholarship program may be interested in, and then sharing those qualities and experiences with the selection committee in the form of a personal essay.

Why is self-disclosure so difficult?

There are a couple factors that make writing a good self-disclosing essay pretty tricky:

1)      Identifying what it is that you should be disclosing:

Problem: What does the scholarship selection committee want to know about me?

Solution: First, I recommend that you take a close look at the mission statement or description of the scholarship. Note the goals of the scholarship program, the priority selection factors and the underlying motivation behind the program. This will help you determine which types of students that particular scholarship is looking to support. See my post “What and for Whom?” for further help with this process. Then, make a list of different qualities and experiences that you have which make you that student. Brainstorm and be creative with this list—not everything on your list has to end up in your essay…this is just to get you thinking, warmed up. We will discuss tips for writing the essay in a moment.

Common pitfalls: In relation to this issue of self-disclosure, students tend to gravitate to one extreme or the other. Typically, students either under-share or over-share; you want to avoid both! Remember, the scholarship selection committee will never know all those wonderful and unique things about you UNLESS YOU TELL THEM! And, also remember: no scholarship selection committees are looking to read long sob stories, nor do they want to learn every nitty-gritty detail about your life. Pick and choose what you share carefully. See my post “Do This” for more helpful hints.

2)      Disclosing in a tasteful, effective manner:

Problem: It’s harder than it sounds to share personal information about yourself in a way that is productive and appealing to your audience. Often, students feel shy, embarrassed or petty for sharing touchy or private information. Often, my students tell me that they feel “weird” or “awkward” writing about their struggles, disadvantages, successes or unique attributes.  I also have had many students tell me that they don’t have anything unique or special to share (so not true!).

Solution: Use that brainstorming list that you made to your advantage—the best place to start your essay is with a strong list of qualities and experiences that demonstrate your appropriateness for the scholarship. Writing about obstacles that you have encountered and overcome, or achievements that you have made may feel uncomfortable, but this is what most scholarship committees actually want to read about—they want a chance to get to know you and to read about why you are a good fit for them. As you write, pay close attention to the length requirements/restrictions for the essay. These will give you a good indication of how long, how in-depth, how detailed your essay should be. Keep your language professional, avoid overly emotional language, and stay focused on the larger picture that you want to paint with your essay.

Common Pitfalls: While your readers want to get to know you and all of your unique experiences, they are not looking to read the next great autobiography. Keep things short and simple. Also, remember that overly emotional, sappy or aggressive language can be a real turn-off. To avoid using this stuff, keep your audience in mind; imagine that you are writing this essay for a potential employer, or for one of your professors. Just because your essay contains personal details, does not mean that you should use intimate, emotional or overly casual language. On the flip side, many students are too reserved or hesitant when writing these essays, once again keep in mind that YOU have to be the one to share details with your readers if you want them to know something about you.

Take away lessons:

As you write, keep the goals of the scholarship program in mind.

If you want your readers to know something about you, tell them!

Keep your language succinct, professional and avoid overly emotional language.

Don’t over share.

Don’t under share.

Stay calm, and have someone you trust read your essay for you before you submit it.

Who am I?

I am a Program Coordinator in the Center for Learning Abroad at the University of Utah. I manage applications, queries, institutional partnerships and faculty relations for all of our learning abroad programs to Asia and the Pacific. I am also in charge of scholarships for our office. This means that I manage and review applications for our two in-house scholarships in addition to advising students on applications for external scholarships like CLS, FLAS, Gilman and Boren.

As an undergraduate student at the University of Utah, I was fully funded by the U’s Presidential Scholarship. As a junior, I spent a semester interning for Maitri, a non-profit organization in New Delhi, India. Although this was not my first international experience, it was my time as an intern in India that shaped my career goals and motivated me to pursue the study of Hindi-Urdu and to pursue my Master’s degree. After returning home from India, I began studying Hindi-Urdu at the University of Utah, and was determined to get back to India as soon as possible to further my language studies. I applied to CLS and for a FLAS scholarship. I was not awarded either one. However, over the process of completing these applications—and even after I had been declined the awards—I was given great advice about what makes an outstanding scholarship application. I strive to share this advice along with my own insights with my students. I operate under the guiding philosophy that lack of financial means should not ever prevent a student from learning abroad. International educational experiences foster the multilingual, independent, responsible and culturally aware people that will make our world a more supportive and successful place.

Since my area of expertise is writing, this blog and the advice given here focuses on the essay portion of scholarship applications. While this is a crucial (I think the MOST crucial) aspect of any scholarship application, there are often other components that will impact whether or not you may receive a scholarship. These factors may include: GPA, community service experience, field-related experience (i.e.  internships, jobs), language experience, financial background, ethnic or racial background, area of interest or field of study. I will not necessarily be addressing these factors in any of my posts, but I will be happy to answer questions as they arise.